When I began this blog I was considering writing in it daily. I quickly decided against that for various reasons, and now a full month has gone by and I haven't typed a single word. Remember the movie Bambi? What did Thumper's mother always make him say?
That's right, "If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all."
This has been the reason for my silence. Frustration. Disgust. Rage. Pain. This is the summary of my last month in my humble work shop. The only project I've come close to completing is the creation of a wood plane. It works, but not to the standard I desire. Here's the rundown of all the other projects I've started and not completed:
Clock #1: Cannot proceed until I have an accurate method of surface planing boards to thickness. Can't get my resource people to find the time to let me use their equipment, and I haven't found more resource people yet.
Dice Tray #1: See clock #1, and waiting on materials from the person it is being made for. This project could be finished very quickly once the materials were in hand.
Wooden Hand Plane #1: Stopped just before finishing. Does not meet quality standards, does not meet performance standards. Issues with plane iron. Might require another night at the forge to improve, but the risk for serious screw-up is very high.
Wooden Hand Plane #2: Might be salvageable, waiting for educational materials to arrive before proceeding.
Electric Guitar Body #1: Progress was made when I finally created a design concept that I like. I should have written a blog about this, since there was humor involved. The humor, however, came at my expense, so no blog. The current status of this project is in the same place as Clock #1, with the addition of needing sawing out to shape. My little band saw can't do the job in its current condition or location, and I'm not certain a new blade will make it any better. I have no access to a larger band saw.
Speaker Cabinet #1 for Guitar Amp system: Bought screws that were too short to mount the speakers properly. Need a new box of screws, then must wire speakers, test/repair amplifiers, test speakers, make a decent guitar to play thru amp.
Bow from hickory axe handle: Ready to tiller, cannot proceed without a scale to see how much stress I'm putting on the limbs. VERY close to being ready for finish.
So this is the place I currently find myself: seeing that I lack a critical tool, I lack a critical piece of hardware, or I lack the skill in general to accomplish anything I set out to do. Every time I look at where I am on anything, I see a hurdle I have yet to get over, or more money that I must spend. I'm sick to my stomach about the amount I've already spent. I'm tired of feeling the need to spend more money. It's an addiction, and one I've had for a very, very long time. Video games got me away from it for a long while, but at a great personal cost beyond the financial (wasted time/opportunities).
I've got to find something that I can finish; something with a purpose (or, better yet, a price tag). I've GOT TO find a way to pick myself back up and get out of this funk. I thought leaving the gaming world and picking up my tools would help me build myself up and do things I could be proud of, but right now I'm as low as I've been in a long, long time.
